Why Mutual Masturbation is Healthy in Relationships (and How You Can Try It)

What is mutual masturbation? How do I try it? Certified sex coach Gigi Engle gives a 101 masterclass on masturbating together.

Contrary to one of the many popular sexual myths that pervade our anti-sex culture, masturbation does not stop (nor should it) once you’re in a committed relationship. There’s this weird AF notion that if you masturbate in a relationship, the relationship somehow suffers. Some people even consider masturbating cheating.

This is, to be quite frank, total horseshit.

Masturbating in relationships

Masturbation is not bad nor does it damage partnerships. In fact, studies have shown that masturbating in relationships can actually increase overall libido, leading people to more frequent partnered sexual play.

Masturbation, like pretty much all consensual sex acts, has its place inside and outside of relationships. And not only does it have its place, but it can also even spice things up between the two of you. Namely, when you masturbate WITH your partner.

Here is your complete guide to mutual masturbation, why it’s awesome, and even a few fun tips.

What is mutual masturbation?

It’s hot to watch your partner get themselves off. It just is. Seeing them pleasure themselves is like your own personal porno right there in your bedroom (or wherever you do sex stuff).

You get to see exactly how they like to be touched when they touch themselves and getting to be a part of that intense ecstasy is invigorating. You might even get a few ideas for the next time you fool around together.

For instance, maybe you can bring your wand vibrators in for some nipple and clitoral stimulation the next time you have intercourse. Or a set of anal beads if you're into anal play.

Mutual masturbation keeps intimacy alive

Between work, family, friends, and other life commitments, you get exhausted. Masturbation shouldn’t be a replacement for all your sexual play, but it can definitely be on the menu when you’re too tired for sex.

Having sex is extremely important to relationship health. Again, people will say it’s not the most important thing, but that does not mean it isn’t of any import.

Instead of skipping sex, try mutual masturbation. You get to be together and have orgasms without all the effort of oral sex, hand sex, or intercourse. Your partner can lick or bite your nipples, you can make out during the session; whatever feels right. If you’d rather just lie back and both do your own thing, there is nothing wrong with that. The key thing is that you’re engaging in sexual self-love with the person you love. You’re sharing your erotic space, without having sex.

Just because you’re masturbating together doesn’t mean it isn’t intimate (and hot).

Mutual masturbation with sex toys

When it comes to using toys, mutual masturbation is a fantastic opportunity to get spontaneous and adventurous. If your partner has a prostate, try putting in a butt plug or anal beads while they move their hand up and down their shaft. This gives them dual pleasure and ups the erotic nature of the whole experience.

b-Vibe’s Rimming Plug 2 has rotating beads at the base, enlightening the nerve-rich anal opening. It even comes with a remote so you or your partner can change the modes of vibration without disrupting the fun. It hits the P-spot so perfectly it should be illegal.

The Cinco Vibrating Anal Beads can be a huge erotic change-up to the normal masturbation routine. When your partner is getting close to climax, slowly remove the beads one by one. It will be an orgasm they’ll never forget.

And don’t forget, butt toys are not gender-exclusive. Every single person can enjoy a butt plug. Try putting in the Novice Plug while simultaneously using a wand vibrator on the clitoris. The sensations are out of this world.

Feeling vibration both around the anus, clitoral hood, and shaft enights the entire clitoral complex, from bulbs to wings, to glans. Talk about a toe-curling sexual experience.

Don’t forget the lube

Whether you’re masturbating together or solo, having intercourse, or eating ass - lube is an essential tool for maximum pleasure. Lube offers a barrier between your sensitive nether regions and your toys. No one needs to burn their clit off with their Le Wand on a maximum setting. Hard pass, mate.

When using butt toys, lube helps you slide your toys into place. A butt hole does not expand or lubricate naturally the way a vagina does. So, lube, lube, and more lube.

Be sure you are using a water-based lubricant with your silicone toys. As much as silicone and oil-based lubes are fun and slippery, they can damage your silicone and that is not fun for anyone.

LEARN: b-Vibe Founder Alicia Sinclair Reveals the Best Anal Lube

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p.s. Loved this article on mutual masturbation? Check out more articles by Gigi Engle in our anal play advice section. She's a certified sex coach, clinical sexologist, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

p.p.s. Don't miss out on the ultimate guide on how to prepare for anal.