How Bottoms Can Benefit from “Bearing Down”
Admittedly, I once was a bottom who used to clench my hole tight in a misguided attempt to avoid messy mishaps. But as I've learned, these attempts are futile. If poop's going to happen, it's going to happen.
No number of Kegels or Hail Marys will prevent it. Your hole has already decided your fate. But thankfully, with enough practice, you eventually learn your body and develop a better sense of how prepared you are for bottoming, whether you douche or not. You also learn just how useful [an anal sex diet] and simple things like fiber supplementation, prebiotics, and probiotics can be for a mess-free experience.
I don't mention these things to scare you. I say it because this fear of poop prevents many folks from attempting to "bear down" when bottoming, which can actually make receptive anal sex a much easier process.
Bearing down definition.
And by "bear down," I'm not talking about the big hairy man you witnessed falling at the bathhouse. I'm talking about pushing out with your anus when you're bottoming using the same muscles you use when pushing out a poop.
Typically, the anus clamps down tight when something attempts to enter. Our sphincter is a watertight valve of muscle that doesn't want to let anything in, and only the occasional thing out. But in this particular case, we want something to enter and re-enter repeatedly, so we need to do the opposite of clenching and push out so there is less resistance.
Why bearing down works.
"The key to relaxation for anal sex really lies within your defecation reflex," Dr. Evan Goldstein, anal surgeon and founder and CEO of Future Method, explains. "This opens normally from the inside out, which is obviously the opposite of what we encounter during anal play."
What this means is that when you're pooping, the internal sphincter is the first to relax, and once that's opened, it sets the stage for the other sphincter muscles to follow, specifically since we can voluntarily control those external muscles.
"When we bear down and push out, we are activating the relaxation reflex for the internal sphincter," says Goldstein. "Pushing out overrides and relaxes the muscle."
Try sticking a lubed finger in your ass and feel around for all three of your muscles. The deepest one, which is about 4-6 cm inside, is the internal sphincter. As you rub and stimulate it, bear down and push out. You will see that it opens and relaxes. It's fascinating and will give you a better idea of what's happening internally.
Let's talk about poop, baby.
Don't let bearing down scare you, because poop is much less likely to happen than you think.
"Poop is store way higher up in the sigmoid colon," Goldstein explains. "Shit moves down into the rectum, where everyday anal play actually happens, when it's ready for evacuation. That's when you feel that urgency to go."
In other words: poop is stored so high up in the body that even if you push, nothing will come out unless you already have the urge to go to the bathroom.
Practice makes perfect.
To get comfortable with bearing down, Goldstein recommends you first practice using anal dilators or plugs like the Rimming Plug. He recommends doing this on your own first, that way there is no pressure or embarrassment, and you can proceed at a pace you're comfortable with.
When doing so, lay down a towel to preemptively prevent any mess from occurring. Next, lube up, assume the position (pushing out is generally easier when your legs are bent or you're crouching), and practice pushing out while inserting your toy. When you're done, inspect your toy to see if any accidents happen. Get used to the feeling of if you do (or don't) have to poop, because a lot of the time it's psychological.
"Learning how to accomplish this relaxation is not an easy feat, but it can be done," Goldstein assures. "The key is getting to know your anal anatomy. When you gain the understanding of not only your anatomy, you have a better idea of how it actually functions, which is paramount when bottoming."
