How Bottoming Made Me a Better Top
I used to be a bisexual man who exclusively topped. If anyone got near my butthole with either their hands, fingers, or a dildo, I'd shoot them a death glare and say, "Don't you dare." Today, I am still very much bisexual, but now I love to both top and bottom.
Top and Bottom
Before I continue, a quick refresher: A top, when it comes to anal/vaginal sex, is the insertive partner—so the person sticking their penis or dildo into their partner. A bottom is the receptive partner, so the person taking the penis/dildo.
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One of the best parts of bottoming is that it's made me a far better top. Like, I am so much better at sex and satisfying my partners now because I know what it's like having something inside of me. Frankly, it's why I think everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, should bottom at some point in their lives. (I think this is particularly true if you're a straight, cisgender man!)
Six Lessons for Tops & Bottoms
All of that said, here are six lessons I learned from being a big ol' bottom that turned me into a terrific top.
1. I really get to know the importance of lube.
When I was having anal sex as the top, I used to put a small dab of lube on my penis and then attempt to insert my penis inside my partner's anus.
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Conversely, I'd sometimes just use spit... I would never do this now that I've bottomed on countless occasions. Now I put a metric tone of lube on my penis and the condom before we get down to business. (I'm honestly shocked that I used to think that spit was enough "lubricant" to use for anal sex!)
2. I always start with fingers.
In the dark era before I became a power bottom, I would often attempt to insert my penis without proper anal foreplay. I'd rim my partner for a couple of minutes, then turn them over and start going to town with my peen. Like, WHAT? Absolutely not!
While eating ass is sexy as all hell and definitely arouses my partners, that's not enough of a warm-up. That's because a tongue hardly gets inside the anus. It's not reaching the rectum. An anal massage and analingus are all about external pleasure, so it doesn't adequately prepare you for internal penetration. That's why I now gently insert lubed-up fingers after rimming but before penile penetration.
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3. I ask which position they'd like to start in.
While every bottom is different when it comes to which anal sex position they'd like to start in, each still has a preference. I personally prefer to sit on my man in cowgirl. From there, I tell him not to move, and I slowly take inch after inch (with a lot of breaths in between). I've noticed that some folks don't like that. They may actually prefer doggy style. More power to them! Since I have no idea which position my partner will like to start in, I always ask.
4. I switch up the speed and intensity of penetration.
When I bottom, I love getting hit with those deep, long thrusts after I'm warmed up, but not for five minutes straight. That's simply too much! You end up maxing out on both the intensity and your pleasure when someone goes at a constant fast speed. The key is alternating between slow and fast—deep and shallow. This allows pleasure to build and hit you in waves—exactly what you want while being penetrated.
5. I've learned there's more to sex than doggy style.
When I top, I freakin' love doggy style. Dare I say, I'm obsessed with it. I know I'm not alone; there are plenty of other men, women, and nonbinary cuties out there who love topping in doggy style because they get all that juicy booty!
Before I bottomed, it was my go-to position. I'd often ask my partner to flip over into doggy immediately after we started penetration. No! Bad, Zach. Now I don't do that. There's so much more to sex than doggy style! While I love it when bottoming, doggy style has to be one position among many in the top's sexual repertoire. They can't be hitting it from behind the entire time.
6. I engage in aftercare every time after having sex.
Often, we think of anal sex aftercare—the intentional care-taking of a sexual partner after sex, typically by the penetrating partner on behalf of the receiver—as being a thing that only occurs after an intense BDSM session.
As someone who's practiced a lot of BDSM, I can say with 100% certainty I've had more intense sexual experiences bottoming (without doing anything kinky) than engaging in some hardcore pain play. This is why I believe that every time you have sex, you should check in with your partner(s) afterward. See if they want to be held, if they need water, or anything else. In my experience, it's a lot more intense bottoming than topping, so as a top, it's your duty to check in with your partner after you've had passionate sex.
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